La vie Parisienne

How does anyone decide to live where they are now? Usually a combination of fate, luck and circumstance. For me, it was love, a spirit of adventure and an unexpected opportunity.

Six years ago my daughter and I were living in London with my British (then) fiance. He was offered a job secondment with an international organisation in Paris; supposedly for eighteen months to two years. We thought it would be an amazing opportunity, not only in terms of career for my fiance, but in quality of life for us all. My daughter was attending the American School of London and studying French. It didn't seem like such a stretch for her to finish out her high school years at the American School of Paris.

You might think that moving to another country would be a huge wrench, especially for my daughter. But because of my work as a journalist, she's traveled extensively and moved many times in her young life. After growing up in a small town, I chose the road less traveled. Four countries and six U.S. states have been home at one time or another. When one becomes accustomed to living out of suitcases, moving yet another time is annoying, in terms of the actual physical move required, but exciting, in terms of prospects for new adventures and experiences.

We all adjusted to Paris in different ways. For my fiance, it was his first time living outside England. He took to Paris like a duck to water, lapping up the smells and colours and joie de vivre of this beautiful city. My wonderfully resilient daughter quickly made new friends, adapted to the new school's academic program (international baccalaureate classes) and even won grudging respect of a hyper-critical French teacher. She came to love living in Paris more than in London.

As for me, adapting to life in Paris was a little more challenging. For the first time in my adult life, I didn't have a job. After 15 years of being a single mom and therefore responsible for every single thing, I struggled to adjust to being financially dependent on another. As a non-European Union citizen, I was not allowed to work in France other than in extremely limited circumstances. So I had to come up with a new game plan.

You might think that I'd be thrilled at suddenly having free time on my hands to do as I pleased. You'd be wrong. I couldn't relax and read a book or watch a movie. I felt guilty: guilty that I wasn't working; guilty that I wasn't accomplishing anything much (at least not in my own eyes); guilty that my French wasn't very good and I couldn't be bothered to take a refresher course. In short, I didn't seem to be adapting very well to living in one of the world's greatest cities. This floored me, because I'd lived in the Middle East, so completely foreign to my own culture, with no real problems.

In an attempt to carve out a life of my own in Paris, I started taking long walks and wandering into antique shops. I observed different styles and periods of furniture and began finding bargains to feather our nest. And nest is the operative word. For the first time in my adult life, I really was nesting; I had a partner I could love and trust; I was staying in one place and decorating our apartment with treasure and trinkets discovered on my walks. Over time, I amassed a lovely collection, with some valuable antiques mixed with unique collectibles and curiosities.

I also started to write again; if I wasn't allowed to have a steady job, at least I could freelance. This more than anything made me feel like I'd recaptured my life------before Paris, I hadn't realised how much my self-image was inextricably linked to my work.

As much as I now love living in Paris: the rich tapestry of life; our friends; the food; the wine; the art; the beauty; the truly vibrant mosaic of this city that's such a strange blend of innovation and tradition - it's a temporary home at best. When one has lived many places, you're never truly at home anywhere. A part of you will always miss a place or places where you no longer reside.

So when my husband and I move again, I'll create yet another nest. My daughter has fashioned her own nest (albeit a temporary one, until she completes her college degree) in Savannah. Life is static; it's about change and adapting to new environments and circumstances.

The beautiful things that reflect our interests and personalities make life more pleasurable; more interesting. But they're just things and things can be replaced. In my nomadic lifestyle I've learned that a home is not about fine furniture, antiques, real estate or even location. A home is about love. We carry our homes with us, within our hearts.

This piece was written for Sunday Scribblings.

Comments

[miragee]

This is a very beautiful post and it also reminds me of the question I often think about: How I'd live if I were economically dependent on another person. Thank you for sharing your experiences. I like the Paris city under your pen...

[Linda Mathieu]

It's nice to hear someone else's story on how they arrived in Paris. I have to say that moving here has opened up my life in so many ways. I couldn't work either so just became a full time tourist-made that my job. Thanks for your lovely post.

[tinker]

What a fascinating life you've led/continue to lead.
I especially liked your closing lines, about carrying your home in your heart - lovely!

[Kara]

This is wonderful - I'm so new to your blog and it's nice to learn how you came to be in your current location. The last paragraph is great - such a nice reminder.
Thanks for the visit to my blog and comments. It is neat you have a connection to Santa Fe.

[melba]

I love this post; it really drew me in. I lived in many places and for a long time no where felt like home. Now I am married and have children I feel that sense of home...I am not thinking about where I will go next (which is comforting, but sometimes I miss the excitement of the next thing...)

[Amber]

Oh, what a wonderful life you have lived so far! I love love love Paris. If I could get my hubs to try to find a job there, I would be packing right now! LoL.
It is wonderful that your daughter has had the experience of so many adventures at such a young age. How rich a mind that makes!

:)

[Kim G.]

Thanks for sharing your journey. I loved hearing how you have found ways to enjoy the experience of living where you are in spite of circumstances that pushed you out of your comfort zone.

[Colette]

It was so good to read this. It's so similar to my story and it's good to know I'm not alone! While I've always believed my "international" history has made me a more rounded, developed person, I've met very few people I can relate to, and at one time regretted I hadn't lived in one place all my life etc. etc.
You've certainly enriched your daughter's life!

[tongue_in_cheek]

Hi Tara,
I am glad you posted your story, you have such good taste and style! I like how you unwind your tale so we can see each feather! Beautifully put! Safe journey home too!!

[krista]

This is awesome:

"Four countries and six U.S. states have been home at one time or another"

Now that is living.

[maryjane]

Making many moves over the years, I've also come to learn the same definition of home....enjoyed learning about your life in Paris, "The City of Lights" or is it "LOVE"...bon soir but I hope to come back to read more of your blog...

[susan]

Beautifully written with so many truths :-)

[Cate]

What a glorious lesson you communicate here. Thank you for sharing your journey--I was engrossed! I, too, felt, at one point, that my identity was tied to my job. I'm free of that now, but it was a long, hard walk! Your words and story resonated with me! Thank you so much for sharing!

P.S. I hear that Savannah is a lovely place to live and visit!

[Rebekah]

I was mesmerized from the first sentence. It is a lovely story about metamorphosis on many levels. I wish I could read other things you have published. You're truly an amazing writer.

[AscenderRisesAbove]

My first time here - arriving from Sunday scribblings; really enjoyed the photos you provide here; very chic!

[Jennifer (she said)]

i am so glad you wrote about how you ended up where you are, and how you used your beautiful taste in antiques to make a place for yourself. to nest. thank you for the details and the honesty about how you struggled with "home" and then found a way to make it work for you.

[Jennifer]

Love the "vibrant mosaic" and "We carry our homes with us, within our hearts." Just wonderful writing!

[joy]

Amazing! I've always wondered what it would be like...I still dream about it - perhaps one day.
Thanks for sharing:)

[Kay]

This post is really inspiring and encouraging. As a Singaporean girl who's never lived outside of Singapore, going to London this summer is going to be my first BIG adventure. And I'm looking forward to it all the more! Thank you.

[Hundred and one]

some very true words written here. Lovely

[Hundred and one]

Some very true words written here. Lovely.

[susannah]

I can really relate to the process of feathering the nest to make sense of our surroundings and create a home. It was such a treat to be allowed to look through the photographs of your apartment - i *loved* the Louis XV chair, and the bureau. I too have feathered my nest with antiques and treasures. thank you for this glimpse into your life
Sx

[GoGo]

You most certainly have given me more courage to try living abroad. I appreciate you sharing the struggles of not having a job and loving Paris. I really like this Sunday Scribbling entry!

[Annie]

Home is in our hearts. Could not agree more.

[Shuku]

Oh, I -so- understand the guilt for not being busy! And to an extent, I understand how it is to move all over - I did when I was completing my degrees overseas, but in me it just engendered a stubborn wish to -stay- put sometimes. Thank you for such a beautiful piece of writing.

--Shuku from Sunday Scribblings