A bouquet of Benoit's red and purple tulips from the local market came home with me.
For the Sunday Scribblings prompt "I have an idea:"
A charming American woman who's leaving Paris after many years has the perfect solution when it comes to entertaining out-of-town friends: she ensconces them in a hotel nearby, hosts lovely dinners, breakfasts or lunches at her home (assisted by her housekeeper) and occasionally escorts her friends to certain events or on shopping expeditions. At the end of the day, she has her peace and privacy and so do her guests.
Imagine how lovely that would be! Friends stay at hotels; one night they're invited to dinner at our house and other evenings we meet them for drinks or dinners in nice restaurants. During the day we take them shopping, to the flea markets or to museum exhibitions and leave them time to pursue their own interests. Everyone goes home happy, having spent an enjoyable time together. Best of all we're not stressed trying to insure our friends are well-fed, entertained and comfortable.
Now don't get me wrong: I like to entertain. Southern hospitality is a point of honour for me and I try to make guests feel welcome, whether they're here for an evening or staying for a week. Living in Paris, practically everyone we've ever met has been to visit us - when I say visit, I mean stay at our apartment. While they claim they're coming to see us, I'm sure Paris is the main attraction. I doubt they'd be leaping on a plane if we lived in the Middle East or even the Midwest. But we're always happy to see our friends. And flying to Paris from the US is expensive enough without them shelling out another 1,000 euros plus for hotel accommodations.
When friends visit us, they are treated royally. For most of them, it's the only time they'll ever visit Paris. So we try to make their visit as pleasant and worry-free as possible. Here's what they might expect:
I'll e-mail directions in French for the taxi driver to get from the airport to our apartment. Sometimes I meet our friends at the airport, because they find the prospect of arriving in a foreign country and getting a taxi too daunting. They'll arrive at our apartment to find a small but comfortable bedroom with nice linens, towels, soaps, fresh flowers, a plate of biscuits, a bowl of fruit, carafe of water, books, a guide to Paris and a metro map.Because I don't work at an office, they think I have nothing but time, so expect me to guide them around Paris. I'll escort them to landmarks I've seen dozens and dozens of times, trying to muster enthusiasm when reciting their history. I will do my best to answer all their questions, because, as someone who lives here, I'm supposed to know all of it, right?
At the end of a long day, the visitors will be tired and want to return to the apartment to put their feet up and have a cup of tea. They'll say they're too tired to go out for dinner, so I'll go to the market, the boucherie, the fromagerie and the boulangerie to get things for dinner while they use my computer, phone the US and watch television. My husband will come home after working all day to cook a special dinner. And we'll do our best to be attentive hosts.
Around midnight, the guests will plead exhaustion and go off to bed. I'll still have to wash dishes and dry the porcelain and crystal by hand (the dishwasher blows a fuse whenever it's turned on). By this time it's 1 a.m. and I'm desperate for a moment to myself to read e-mail, write, whatever. So I stay up until 2 or 3 a.m., then sleep maybe four or five hours, get dressed and go to the boulangerie to get breakfast for our guests - because in Paris, they expect fresh-baked croissants or panne au chocolate, naturallement! I'll then have to wash those dishes before taking les visiteurs out again.
Occasionally I get a break, when guests summon the energy to go out to dinner. Sometimes more adventurous travelers can be persuaded to go off on their own for a few hours, armed with written instructions for the metro, metro tickets and one of our cell phones in case they get confused or lost. In their absence I might take a nap or catch up on writing - more likely, I'll again be shopping for dinner preparations and tidying the apartment. By the time our guests leave 9 or 10 days later, I will be irritable, exhausted and glad to see the back of them. And the chances of us someday staying at their homes? Unlikely.
Now I'm not talking about weekend guests - these are mostly European, seasoned travelers and a joy to host. Chances are it's not their first time in Paris, they have their own agenda and don't have to be led around by the hand. If they pursue their own plans during the day, typically we meet for dinner. Or perhaps we go together to the horse races or flea markets or a museum exhibition. As it's only for a couple of days, it's like a mini vacation and lovely to spend time with them.
And I'm not talking about family - they're always welcome. Last spring my mom, aunt and uncle came to visit and it was a treat having them here.
This spring we're expecting two sets of guests. While they have yet to decide on actual travel dates, we've offered choices of March or the first part of April. The problem is, both sets of guests have suddenly decided they want to come during the same period! Needless to say, the myriad delights of hosting friends for a week or longer have faded. Now it feels more like obligation, coupled with virtually round-the-clock chores. After they depart, I need a holiday!
Recently my husband and I were discussing how guests can be such hard work. I suddenly remembered my American friend's advice and realised I don't have to keep knocking myself out - I can say no to the effort, energy and expense involved in hosting overseas guests!
So I have an idea: as of April 15th, our little "B&B" is open occasional weekends only to select guests or family members. For long-distance visitors, we'll gladly arrange hotel reservations! For more ideas, visit Sunday Scribblings.
Red and pink tulips, my fav! Well, actually, any tulip is a fav of mine. Simply beautiful.
Posted by: Rosa | 17 January 2007 at 14:34
Beautifully stated! C'est une bonne idée!
Much peace and love, JP
Posted by: JanePoe (aka Deborah) | 16 January 2007 at 20:45
Well done on taking your life back! Great idea, too.
It sounds like your guests could be a full-time job for you ... if they had their way. ;)
Posted by: KG | 16 January 2007 at 04:40
Oh, my goodness. I love company too, love making special meals, and I'm always happy to have my house back when they leave. I can't imagine guests expecting so much from their host. It seems more important to be a good guest and do some of those dinners for the people who are kind enough to open their home.
Posted by: deirdre | 16 January 2007 at 01:04
I think that sounds like a marvelous idea. I can only imagine what a charming time we would all have in Paris with you! Lovely post--how is it you do everything so well? :)
Posted by: Mardougrrl | 15 January 2007 at 23:03
Tara, I too, as a life-long Floridian, can identify very much with what you have experienced; altho I saw it happen much more to Mother, as one of 11 siblings and a stay-at-home-Mom, than it has to me, a school teacher with only one sibling who makes his home in Australia. There really does need to be a way to make the oblivious "friend" more aware of what an imposition s/he is creating, without making yourself feel rude and/or selfish. I think keeping a roster of hotels in a variety of price ranges and offering to set up the reservations or give them the phone numbers to do so themselves is a very necessary self-preservation idea for you. Good luck!
I also want to thank you for almost always checking by my blog and taking the time to comment. It is truly appreciated. You are the very best about doing that; and you seem to do it for most everyone who posts to Sunday Scribblings, I've noticed. I am sure that I am speaking for a whole lot of us when I say Thank You for that time you give us regularly. You are much appreciated!!!!
Posted by: sundaycynce | 15 January 2007 at 20:06
We live in a really small apartment so it isn't really comfortable when people stay for anyone. I have had a person write to ask if you could visit, ie stay with us. She did, we showed her a great time, and never heard from her again, not even a thank you--which makes you feeled rather used. We have been debating taking out a wall in our apartment leaving us with one bedroom-which is the perfect excuse for no guests. I think we should do it.
Posted by: Linda | 15 January 2007 at 17:07
I've helped guests with hotel arrangements and that has worked out very well for us. When I can accommodate, the guests are welcome chez moi, but that's just not always possible.
Posted by: meredith | 15 January 2007 at 15:31
Oh I know this one well, it's so easy to get into and so difficult to get out of. Luckily for me the attraction for London has worn off with many I know. They must all be going to Paris!
I also understand that "misunderstanding" that many seem to associate with working at home, that you can just down tools and be available.
I'v just been told of a wonderful hotel in Paris, which is French, quirky, and has views of the Notre Dame from some of it's rooms, and I'm looking forward to that, though my travel companion is less enthusiastic as not all the rooms have en-suite.
Posted by: aineliva | 15 January 2007 at 11:33
He he he.
I find myself casting my mind back to the many, many times I have stayed with friends in marvelous and far flung places. I am hoping furiously that I was never so horridly self absorbed or thoughtless.
One thing is for sure. I can put my hand on my heart and say without blushing that I was always there first and foremost to see the people, not the places. Otherwise why would I have spent my holidays in Abidjan (okay, so Abidjan turned out to be fun but that's not why I went there).
Actually, my complaint has been the inverse of yours. I've travelled literally thousands of miles to visit the wonderful friends I've made in this line of work. I've run myself ragged by fitting short stopovers in Oslo, Athens, Amsterdam, and Paris into the same two week holiday - in order to renew bonds of friendship and kiss new babies.
Not once have any of them come to New Zealand. My invitations are repeated, heartfelt and detailed (i.e. You will sleep in the master bedroom, where you will wake to the sight of cherry blossons and the sound of Tui's. I will drive you to the south coast every morning to drink coffee while starting out towards Antarctica, etc...)
They are all quite convinced that New Zealand is the bottom-end of the earth. Which it is, of course. But that is what makes it so marvelous. So you have to sit in an aeroplane for five days and night, I assure you all, it is more than worth it!
Posted by: Frida | 15 January 2007 at 10:26
The first year we moved to Cape Cod, we had a lot of summer visitors, who wanted to take a weeklong seaside vacation. I was (too?) quick to offer my home. Though I loved entertaining, I think my visitors often forgot that WE were not on vacation. We still had to work, shop, clean, etc. These days I'm more likely to suggest a hotel, and extend a dinner invitation.
Posted by: patry | 15 January 2007 at 06:39
this a was fabulous post - i laughed and
recognized my life - when people come to
stay -
and i don't have a dishwasher!!!!
(but i am a wonderful hostess...
hugs!)
Posted by: sophie | 15 January 2007 at 05:36
Wow! I can't imagine having or being a guest under those circumstances. I don't like staying in other people's homes. I always go to a hotel because I want my privacy. I want to take a shower and walk around naked if the mood strikes me. I sleep with the tv on all night, and have been known to prowl around. I can't imagine being trapped in someone else's house, feeling constrained. I would get no rest and be totally grouchy. If I can't afford the hotel, I'm simply not going.
Posted by: JHSiess | 15 January 2007 at 04:31
Wow! I can't imagine having or being a guest under those circumstances. I don't like staying in other people's homes. I always go to a hotel because I want my privacy. I want to take a shower and walk around naked if the mood strikes me. I sleep with the tv on all night, and have been known to prowl around. I can't imagine being trapped in someone else's house, feeling constrained. I would get no rest and be totally grouchy. If I can't afford the hotel, I'm simply not going.
Posted by: JHSiess | 15 January 2007 at 04:28
It is always fascinating to hear you speak of meeting people there and taking a little snapshot of them. I hadn't really thought about what went on behind the scenes. Thanks for the eye-opening post!
Posted by: AscenderRisesAbove | 15 January 2007 at 02:53
This is a dilemma that I never have to face! One, I live in a small town that is definitely NOT a tourist destination. Two, I only have a couch for people to sleep on and it isn't even a fold-out one. Someone has to REALLY want to see us to stay at our house and they don't stay long :-).
Posted by: Dani | 15 January 2007 at 02:19
Yikes! What rude guests. Your entry reminded me of the time my old school friend and her husband came to visit for a few days, except that they were excellent guests. They helped around the house, were very happy to go off on their own and explore (having just spent a year traveling around the world, they knew public transportatin well!), and were quiet and considerate when my daughter, then a year old, was sleeping. I'd invite any guests like them to stay any time, but can see why it would be awful to have to deal with the kind of imposition that some of your guests have visited on you! The hotel sounds like a great idea.
Posted by: tarakuanyin | 15 January 2007 at 01:35
good for you Tara !! I can so relate here... we have had this happen when we are in New England.... when I come to paris... I will stay in a hotel and take you out to dinner !!!xoxo
Posted by: diana | 15 January 2007 at 00:49
Good plan! A former work acquaintance invited herself to spend a week with us in the Caribbean (I hadn't seen her in 5 years). It was after I'd left my job and was trying to pack for our move--one of our last weeks there. She called me out of the blue on my birthday this past week...and hearing her voice, I realized that two years later, I still resent her inviting herself to stay. I should have done what Brian commented--just said NO. I had to entertain her non-stop for an entire week (all while stressing over postponing our packing--J was still working). I always wonder what people are thinking when they invite themselves. Surely if the hosts WANTED to play host, THEY'D extend an invitation. ;)
Posted by: Marilyn | 14 January 2007 at 23:51
Perfect! I was just re-evaluating having a guest room so people don't stay with us long, after we move(our kids). An air cot might help speed their visit along ;) Now we each get our own den.
Knowing what a class act you are I think staying with you is more of a draw than Paris...my gosh, what service!!!!
HUGS
P.S. I have a self-serve sign up. LOL
Posted by: Tammy | 14 January 2007 at 22:20
Beautiful photo & great idea!!
Posted by: Javacurls | 14 January 2007 at 20:19
Goodness me! Very inconsiderate guests you've had. I think your idea is excellent.
Posted by: jerri | 14 January 2007 at 19:18
I mis-clicked so if you end up with two comments from me I apologize. Yours is the best way to entertain out of town guests.
Thanks for sharing your idea,
Frances
Posted by: Frances | 14 January 2007 at 18:57
I hear you Tara! When I do make it your way we will have to meet up! I have only been to Paris once and I was supposed to be there a week but got horrible food poisoning my second day there and only got to see Luxembourg Park, though it was so, so amazing that the memory of it still lights me up inside. My mom was raised in the South and was all about manners, btw, so often when I am a houseguest at someone's place I am so worried about imposing on them that I find it sorta hard to relax! Not at Laini's, mind you, there I make myself too much at home!
Posted by: Alexandra | 14 January 2007 at 18:04
Oh oh oh oh!!! Love Tulips!!
Posted by: Gemma | 14 January 2007 at 16:55
How absolutely wonderful! I am dreaming...dreaming....
Posted by: Pam Aries | 14 January 2007 at 14:38
:)
don't worry...i never go visiting....
:)
Posted by: Inconsequential | 14 January 2007 at 12:29
Tara, WHEN I come to France, I promise I won't stay with you ( I prefer to stay in a hotel as I love my privacy and like to be able to do my own thing sometimes) I would love to come to dinner :) and go sip tea somewhere with you....
I don't have to worry about guests here - it is way too far for anyone to come visit me :)
Posted by: miss*R | 14 January 2007 at 10:17
I can't imagine working that hard for guests. I would at least be doing the dishes straight after the meal, and I would be the one announcing that I was going to bed! I would also be suggesting things to do, giving them bus and Metro timetables etc. If necessary I would plead a prior engagement (without giving details) - "I'm sorry I'm busy today, but I'm sure you'll have a lovely time".
When we head to the UK later this year, if anyone wants to put us up for a night or two that will be lovely, but if they don't we will be perfectly happy with b&b's. If I want to see people, I want to see them whether it's an hour or two in a cafe or whatever fits. In Paris, I would have assumed that apartments might be too small to accommodate extra guests, anyway.
Posted by: Catherine | 14 January 2007 at 10:10
What a good idea, Tara. Hope you'll have peace of mind now, when future friends call to say they'll be in Paris! xoxo
Posted by: tinker | 14 January 2007 at 08:05
We get guests a lot as well, mostly family that stays for weeks at a time -- they are great with housework and looking after the kids, so I feel that putting up with them is worth it. You are such a wonderful and generous host, and it sounds like staying with you is like staying at a hotel anyway, and your "other" guests should not mind at all. I hope these people reciprocate the hospitality that you show them. Lovely imagery in your post and it inspires me to put out more effort for my guests as well!
Posted by: bonggamom | 14 January 2007 at 07:38
Ha! I want you to know, Tara, that being the introverted oddball that I am, I would always RATHER stay in a hotel! We do this whenever we travel to visit people. So, when I make it back to Paris I would just be happy to have dinner---out!-- with you! ;)
:)
Posted by: Amber | 14 January 2007 at 06:44
I think this is a marvelous idea, one that would allow all concerned to have a lovely visit, and retain a lovely friendship!
Posted by: Becca | 14 January 2007 at 04:12
I like having guests stay with us, but it is a lot of work. Great post and beautiful flowers.
Posted by: January | 14 January 2007 at 04:05
Your place sounds better than a hotel!
Posted by: my backyard | 14 January 2007 at 03:28
Ahh yes.. Living in Washngton DC I am familiar with this scenario..especially the working from home part.. yeah..I can relate.THis is one of the main reasons why we choose to constantly be renovating..as a matter of fact we have been without a full bathroom for over 10 weeks now..yes, its really inconvenient but I was not the one to host Christmas now was I?
heee.heeee.
Posted by: EmilyDeisroth | 14 January 2007 at 02:53
Tara,
Your tolerance for rudeness is amazing! Perhaps that comes with southern charm.
When we spent three weeks with our son in Paris we were off on our own everyday after an initial course in metro navigating. We ate out mostly. But when we wanted to experience the uniqueness of shopping in many different speciality shops, we did and we did the cooking, cleaning, etc. And who do you think did the laundry. I did the patisserie run every morning for cafe express and croissants. My desire to interact with the fench speaking shop keepers dictated that I go on my own when ever possible.
See you in September, and we expect to treat you!
rel
Posted by: rel | 14 January 2007 at 01:48
The combination of red and pink.....just perfect.
Posted by: Britt-Arnhild | 13 January 2007 at 23:07
Tara, I am the same in my own kitchen as your husband is in yours! (we chefs understand each other). I guess I'm a more seasoned traveller (no pun intended) than the guests you describe.
Bisous.
Posted by: Colette | 13 January 2007 at 23:06
Tara, how awful! Someone had suggested "freeloaders" as a prompt for SS -- this would have fit that too! When I was in college my parents and little sister lived in Hawaii for 2 years, in a large lovely turn-of-the-century home at Pearl Harbor, of which my father was Commander at that time. You can bet people crawled out of the woodwork to visit! You really do have to set limits and learn to divert people, or you just get bitter about the whole thing. Easier said than done, I know. But I imagine, as with the woman you mentioned, once it became her routine with guests she was able to lay down her rules so matter-of-factly that it just WAS and everyone was happy. Good luck to you! Oh, and I'm arriving in two weeks. Can you pick me up at the airport and have my room ready? ah ha ha!
Posted by: Laini | 13 January 2007 at 23:03
It would be awesome fun to be your guest.
Being a great host/hostess is an art in
its own right.
You're an artist!
Posted by: [a}ma | 13 January 2007 at 23:00
I can relate. You sound like a wonderful host. I have never been abroad, however, my oldest son is a graduating senior this year, and we are planning a three-week trip to Europe in June/July this summer, 2007. He is working on an appointment to West Point Military Academy or the Air Force Academy in Colorado Springs, so we are awaiting the decision.
I have three children, 17, 15, and 14. Two sons and the youngest is a daughter. My husband & I are 38. We are so amazed at our children. We both have dreamed of world travel, but my husband cannot leave work for more than 5 days.
Anyway, Paris Parfait, I have always been interested in France, Took two years of French in high school, (I'm terrible!), and I love reading your posts every week.
You are interesting and well-informed.
Thanks.
Posted by: Megnificent! | 13 January 2007 at 22:30
Well, I know what you mean Tara. I love hosting and being hospitable but for some odd reason, I am often the only one who organises dinner parties and also hosting. The others would gladly, come and eat (mostly don't even bring a decent bottle of wine or flowers...Dutch...) And we have never been invited back.
When we were in Eindhoven, no one wants to visit. Now we are in Amsterdam, we get a lot of buzz from people who never wanted to make the effort, to come and visit only to actually see Amsterdam. But we have a small flat and a baby, which is a perfect excuse...Now, they are welcome to come over for dinner, and/or we can all go out when they visit. I can brief them on places to visit, which exhibitions are on but I cannot (because of the babies routine) show them around ...
Baby is a good excuse I think. Why don't you adopt one? :-)
Kisses.
p,s You are more than welcomed here though especially when we move into a bigger house!
Posted by: Nina | 13 January 2007 at 22:26
weekends only sounds like a much better idea. though i agree with colette in that i would go out and get things for you, help with cooking, cleaning etc. what's the point of being in paris if i made my host/hostess run around and do everything for me? i'd be happy staying in a hotel, but would hope to at least meet you in a nice cafe somewhere for coffee and a pastry.
Posted by: leonie | 13 January 2007 at 22:26
Colette, you are the kind of guest everyone loves! Typically, at breakfast time our guests will still be sleeping, due to jet lag. And they would be hesitant to order at the boulangerie without me there to translate. They rarely offer to help with the dishes, because they're too tired - and by that time, I'm grateful for some time alone and would rather do them myself. My husband the chef doesn't like anyone in the kitchen when he's trying to cook - the room is simply too small to easily accommodate a sous chef.
Posted by: Paris Parfait | 13 January 2007 at 22:25
Hmmm, Paris might be a great attraction for your guests (as a Francophile who has never been to Paris I can relate--solace myself that I am a native New Yorker!;)), but I can promise you if you are putting out those lovely flowers in your B&B that accompany your post it might be for your style why they choose to stay with you...
..you let us peek at your library after all! Your blog is so well designed too. You probably put all the rest of the Parisian hospitality to shame!
Posted by: Novel Nymph | 13 January 2007 at 22:22
I know people who do the hotel thing.
Me, I don't need anything. However, I'm a little shocked at how much you work when you have guests. As a guest, I would help you wash up/tidy up, and so on. I would run over to the boulangerie to get the bread (and I would probably bring back a little chocolate surprise for you). I would want to help with the cooking, even. And I would roam around on my own, visiting my old haunts, while you did the things you normally do. Like that.
Isn't this what all guests do??
Posted by: Colette | 13 January 2007 at 22:18
I think staying in a hotel and spending quality time *with you* would suit me just fine.You are a hostess over and above!!
I plan at least a dinner or breakfast OUT when guests arrive.
Posted by: naturegirl | 13 January 2007 at 21:48
God, this rings so true! Though I don't try even half as hard as you do to be so nice to guests - I mean fresh flowers and soaps? Wow! No wonder people keep coming back! Sometimes, you can be TOO good at something. ;-)
Posted by: verity writes | 13 January 2007 at 20:11
Tara! You words ring true! Spot on true! You should put this in a travel magazine! Since October 2006, we have had 23 guests! I feel and eat and drink your words, and LOVE your brilliant idea!!
Posted by: tongue in cheek | 13 January 2007 at 19:22