Time (mis)management

White rose, Paris.

After months of searching in San Francisco, London and Paris for a certain macro lens, in October I finally found it (in Paris). I took these two photos right off the bat, without bothering to read the instruction manual or taking time to play with the lens. Sadly, I haven't had time to pick up that lens since, although I can see intriguing possibilities with it.

The first photo (above) reminds me of the way my life is now - feeling a bit out of focus, wilted and neglected; overworked; overwhelmed; not getting enough sleep or exercise and breaking my own rules about maintaining the mind-body balance that helps keep me sane.

The second photo seems to suggest inner light at the core of the rose. To me, that image symbolises the creativity struggling to shine through amidst all these obligations and demands on my time. For months now, I've been juggling too many projects, just trying to keep my head above water. Between travel and deadlines, I've had very little time to socialise, relax and recharge.

Today, a friend who lives in Paris became exasperated with me. We haven't seen each other since July. Granted, he travels nearly every week, but even when we're both in town, we can't seem to meet. Via email Monday, we agreed to meet for lunch one day next week. He emailed today, "I've penciled it in my calendar" then added, for good measure, "I hope it will become reality."

I had to laugh, as his words were a potent reminder of just how off-balance I've allowed my life to become lately. So this afternoon I phoned him with reassurance that - barring any unforeseen disaster - I'll see him next week.

Late in September when we were trying to find time to meet, I'd emailed him saying,

"Sorry to be so difficult. Things are a bit mad in my world at the moment - a magazine asks to use photos and I spend an hour searching for them, only to discover I've deleted the originals. So I send other photos which they're happy to use, but could I shoot one of this and that, etc. etc. which requires trekking across Paris? An advertising company asks if they can license my Coit Tower photos. An Australian publisher wants to use a photo (that I took without permission in Liberty, London) in a book, which poses all sorts of copyright issues. And before I know it, hours have passed dealing with these unexpected things. I must learn to say no (Perfect example - the English lessons. Do I have time for these? No. But the boy's mother's friend ... pleaded and made it seem like he was falling way behind if I didn't help.) Meanwhile the editor in London keeps asking about rewrites. And I just want to run away from home!"

Alas, about the only thing that's changed since that message is that Dylan's English has improved. Educating Dylan is a bit like a community project. He lives in Neuilly, across the Bois de Boulogne from my apartment. After school, he walks to the building gardien's office - who is friends with Dylan's mother - and she escorts him to my apartment for a 45-minute lesson once a week. I've never met Dylan's parents, but it seems they both work long hours. Dylan is an only child and was struggling in his English class, when the gardien first requested my assistance. A couple of years ago I helped her teenage son through a rough time in his English class and he ended up getting high marks and advancing to a better school. So I'm hoping Dylan will achieve some minor success.

Today my elusive friend and I talked about the Chinese belief about opportunity and disaster being two sides of the same coin. We agreed that - except for the general state of chaos - everything is fine. I know there are lessons to be learned about limits and balance. So why do I feel so guilty if I get everything expected of me accomplished in a timely manner, but don't have enough time and energy left over for my friends and family - or even for myself?

My friend said I need an assistant, but an assistant couldn't work on my book(s) in progress, my articles and my blog, nor could an assistant take my photographs. It's all up to me. While I'm tremendously grateful for these wonderful opportunities coming my way, I'm just not feeling or looking much like Wonder Woman these days.

It doesn't help that Paris is grey, cool and rainy. No matter the weather, I've decided tomorrow I will spend much of the day taking photos, keeping my distance from my desk and laptop. Never mind that I haven't had time to post the majority of photos taken in Antwerp, Barcelona and even around town. I need to get out and about with my camera! Maybe I'll even figure out how to use that new lens... Or perhaps I'll find a few moments of quiet and serenity elsewhere.

Beany and Cecil

How do you rescue yourself from the myriad demands on your time and energy? Come on,'fess up - spill your secrets! (Please! Many of you are probably too young to remember the television cartoon "The Beany and Cecil Show." Beany, a little boy who always wore a beanie cap, would get into terrible predictments and shout for Cecil to rescue him. "Help, Cecil, help! Help, Cecil, help!" And Cecil the Seasick Sea Serpent would charge to the rescue, exclaiming, "I'm coming, Beany Boy!)

Absent a cartoon-character rescue, what works for you? One thing I've found soothing lately is French television's late-night revival of 1930s Busby Berkeley musicals. They were designed to cheer up the populace during the Depression. Except for a few over-the-top tunes, the plots - and some of the amazing geometric-patterned choreography - still amuse and entertain today.

Comments

[Di Overton]

Only you Tara could make a rose light up from the centre. Stunning pictures.

[naturegirl]

Tara you know how much I LoVe these rose images! Love that new lens of yours!
Here I also struggle to stay balanced..life gets to be so overwhelming at times!
I think of you often..no we think of you often and try to stay balanced save some ~me time~ for yourself! Perhaps a good time to pamper yourself!I love your passion in everything that you do! love and light aNNa

[jeanie]

"Educating Dylan." Sounds like a movie! This was a fabulous and newsy post with beautiful photos. And I'm so glad you're enjoying Busby B. -- talk about glorious escapism! My favorites: 42nd Street number, Remember My Forgotten Man and that one with the bananas from "The Gang's All Here" -- I think the only color BB.

[Merisi's]

Dare I say that I am enjoying today's weather immensely? It is gray and stormy, I must not feel bad about not using any available time to go out and shoot photos!

I take a break most days at 7pm, to waste 40 minutes in front of the TV set, watching a reality show where each week a new set of five different people compete to cook "The Perfect Dinner" in their private homes. Having lived my adult life between Rome and Washington before I moved to Vienna, I find it intriguing observing how Europeans live and cook. My daughter likes to join me, taking a break from her homework, and we have even recreated the one or other dinner! Afterwards, we are both totally relaxed and ready to go back to our own work!

[tinker]

I LOVED Cecil and Beany! "I'm a-coming, Beanie Boy!"
Wouldn't it be lovely to have a rescuer always on hand like that? Though maybe not a seasick sea serpent, so much...
You are so amazingly busy - and it's so good of you to take on even more on top of your already hectic schedule, to help out those students. I think that's something they - and the Universe - won't forget. Kindness begets kindness.
Busby Berkeley films sound like a wonderful way to unwind. I haven't watched one in far too long, but I've always enjoyed their pageantry. I love old movies. Comedies - new or old, musical or otherwise, have always been my favorite way to unwind. Some of the really old ones - "The Egg and I," "The Little Shop Around the Corner," "Mr. Peabody and the Mermaid," any of Abbot and Costello or the Marx Brothers films - they all still make me smile.
Hope you can find some downtime just for you, to enjoy. Take care, Tara~XOXO

[Donna]

Thanks for finding the time to stop by my blog, Tara. I have found great solace and wonder in your Barcelona photos of late. In fact, it has sparked me to think seriously about how I can swing a visit there soon. As you know I've been struggling as of late, but I find it interesting that you and several of your commentors are (subtly) berating yourselves for not being able to be Super Woman. What does that say? The only word of can throw out there is delegate. Yes, some things you must do yourself, but if you did have someone to help you it could take some pressure off, even if it means having to make one less phone call. Thank you again for sharing your art.

[Mary]

Tara, thank you for bringing back those warm memories of Beany and Cecil. I loved that show! It was almost more quirky than Rocky and Bullwinkle. I'm not one to offer advice, especially when I don't share your dilemma. My life is a lot simpler. A lot less interesting! Meditation might help, though. When you're able to quiet your mind, even for a half hour, you come away rejuvenated.

[Becca]

It's so hard to find the balance between doing what we love and doing too much of what we love! I've been in that situation so many times in my life.

My friend talks about "small harbors," those places we go, either literally or figuratively, to recharge our batteries and renew our spirits. For me, it's a long walk in the park, or an afternoon curled up in bed with my dogs and a good book. Small things, but effective.

I hope you find a small harbor of your own :)

[Tammy]

How can you not take a break and just be? You deserve it and need it, or your work will suffer. I'm sending you one of my free daily hours, just for you. Fill them with fun for us both!

MUCH LOVE
T

[Sue]

My mother likes to tell a story about me and Beany and Cecil. I don't really remember doing this. I was too small. It seems my mom walked into the room one day while I was watching Beany and Cecil. She noticed that the TV looked funny. Upon closer inspection, she saw that the TV screen was kind of blurry and couldn't figure out what was smudged on the screen. At that point I moved to the TV and kissed the screen. She tells me I then turned to her and told her that, "I just love Beany and Cecil." Apparently, I had been smooching up the TV screen something fierce since I was just filled with love for Beany and Cecil (the seasick sea serpent), and I guess I was eating something gooey at the time too, hence the smudged TV screen. I still have a very worn and beat up (because I used it so much) little green Beanie and Cecil cup.

As for how I escape when I've said yes too much or I just feel generally harassed, I go to Disneyland. It's a guilty pleasure. I can be a kid again there, it's lovely. All my cares melt away. For a while, anyway.

-Sue

[Christina]

A new macro?! I love it! As soon as I saw that first picture of the rose, I immediately connected. Hmm... I kind of loved that.

I let go of all the stress by shooting my camera or falling deep into magazines and books. I am reading my way through cleopatra... you know Marc Anthony is also in this book. ; )

I really hope you get to see your friend, next week.

[Helen]

Kukla, Fran, and Ollie do it for me....this summer I had some dental work done and every time I looked in the mirror I thought about Ollie, though I frequently feel like Fran, and occasionally like Beulah the Witch. Can't believe anybody is talking about them AND Cecil and Beany. I was just de-stressed on the spot thinking about this.

Humor will create balance when nothing else does. It all ebbs and flows and evens out-- eventually. In the meantime, your stress is our treasure as you keep on taking and posting gorgeous photography and interesting blog content! To be stressed in Paris might be a good thing.

You can always read Proust...

[Brenda Kula]

I guess my secret dream was to be as successful as you currently are. But then I find myself dawdling out in the gardens, inspecting a leaf, and realize that if I didn't have time for this...I wouldn't have time. And time is really all we do have of importance. So I don't know about your predicament. But please slow down and look at the leaves you take such gorgeous photos of. If you don't have time to enjoy things, they get lost in the shuffle.
Brenda

[tangobaby]

Uh-oh. She got a macro lens! That is opening an entirely new universe of photographic possibilities, you know. You may not be able to delve into it right now, given all of your other responsibilities, but sometime when you have a quiet moment you'll find that taking photos with this lens gives a whole different feeling to your photography. I can't wait to see how you learn to incorporate it into your already wonderful body of work.

I know you'll be sharing with us as you go along.

I think we're starting to realize how much of an emotional toll this election has taken on us. I speak to people and everyone's exhausted. Given the shorter days, the regular stress of the holidays, it's no wonder that you (and a lot of us) feel at wit's end. I know you'll figure it out...you're a smart lady and you know what is best for you.

Sending you love and hopes of rest to come soon. xoxo

ps. Of course you know that I'd have to chime in on the Busby Berkeley stuff, too. I'm so conscious of the dire economic situation that these glorious productions sprang out of. Hollywood has always been a brilliant escape for many from the realities of life but somehow those musicals of the 1930s really managed to create a dream state that has never been equalled by all of the special effects wizardry that's taken over Tinseltown now. Somehow those movies still managed to acknowledge the audience they were created for even while they were doing their best to distract and dazzle. The "Forgotten Man" sequence of 42nd Street in particular comes to mind.

[deirdre]

It seems finding balance is the quest of the modern woman - so much to do, so little time, so many demands. It sounds like wonderful things are coming your way, and all at once! Take a deep breath and know you can always say no. Or just dive into the adventure and see where it takes you. If you find a balancing trick, please let me know. xoxo

[Chris]

I relate immeasurably to what you've said here. And honestly, Tara, I don't know how I manage. I don't know if I do. It's stress city! I love what I'm doing, but really, I've had the same struggles with friends and relatives, and I feel I'm doing the best I can. So maybe I need to stop multi=tasking? Do one thing at a time? Cut electronics out of my life for a week? No TV no internet, no iPod? Those are temporary things, but anything to jiggle us out of a rut can be good, right? Lend insight?
I love your photos, and your commentary about them.

It will be good to start my art-journalling year in January. I will start earlier if I get the time...

Thanks for this post. Thought-provoking.
Best to you!

[Laume]

P.S. Macro lenses. I have to tell you my silly story. I bought a new camera right before going to Paris this last April. I knew I used macro a lot so I made sure to ask the sales person how to use the macro tool before I left the store. Promptly forgot. Somehow managed to NOT READ THE INSTRUCTION MANUAL for months and months and .... finally, about three weeks ago, I got serious about it and found the right combination of settings the hard way, by fiddling around on my own, and Voila! I know have both macro and supermacro capabilities. Why do I make things so difficult for myself?

[Laume]

I'm feeling a strikingly similar mix of being overwhelmed, a bit wilted, and guilt at not being able to be Super Woman. For many of the san reasons (sans the editors banging at my computer door)

What helps me? I'm not sure if I'm the one to ask because I keep coming back to chaos regardless of how much anything helps temporarily but:

Spending a couple of days digging in and doing those things that I'm most dreading. The amount of stress that lifts off of me is always incredibly freeing. And it's odd how very little effort it usually takes to actually accomplish things I've spent far more time and energy dreading than they were worth.

Taking a day off - a complete day. Allowing NO GUILT for one entire day from wake up to sleep. Getting out and wandering with my camera is always a good one for me as well.

I'm not an obsessive list maker like some, but making a list does help. I've been feeling overwhelmed by looming holiday gift tasks lately and so last night I finally sat down and wrote out a list and found out that.... oh, hmmmm. I actually had a lot less to do than I thought I had. I was really projecting past holiday madness onto this year's holiday schedule.

And, last but not least, lunch or dinner with a friend. And it sounds like you've got that one covered.

And I totally remember Beanie and Cecil. They were two of my favorite cartoon characters. (others were Huckleberry Hound, Top Cat, UnderDog, Rocky and Bullwinkle and their whole cast of extras....)

[Mary T.]

Are you kidding? I remember Beany and Cecil and even Kukla, Fran and Ollie! So how do I get out of being that rushed. I purposely sabotage myself and can't make it on time is one way. And then I've learned to say "no" is the most important part. Whew!

[ally bean]

I remember Beany and Cecil on the Leaking Lena. I loved them. A neighbor girl had an actual Beany and Cecil beanie that she wore when we watched the show. I was soooooo jealous of her.

As for an answer to your question, I believe that saying "no" more often to requests from others and to my own inner perfectionist has helped me stay focused on my goals. Consequently I'm more productive on what matters to me.