Strange things

An abundance of red in this Amsterdam shop. Truth be told, after nearly ten years in Europe, I have amassed enough antiques and collectibles to open an antiques store - a very large antiques store (see below).

Strange things have been going on these last three days. Five packages intended for me have gone missing; each supposedly delivered on different days. I dreamt of a friend and the next day he emailed me. Someone else emailed me, after discovering my blog through a mutual friend. I haven't heard from this friend in many years; surprising (but nice) to learn he's been following Paris Parfait (JL, please contact me!)  And I found a shiny green shamrock on the kitchen floor. Is it something in the air or some odd planetary storm or astrological phenomena?

Meanwhile, I gave away four huge bags of clothing and still am culling my wardrobe. I am being ruthless about tossing clothes I don't wear, even brand new ones. This is part of a general clear-out of the apartment: I'm going through practically every single thing I own and discarding things that either no long suit me or I don't need or want.

I have two beautiful early 19th-century pieces of furniture that are such high-maintenance, I'm selling them. Their beauty simply isn't worth the effort. I want things to be simple, streamlined and elegant, not so fussy that constant vigilance is required. I have better things to do than examine furniture for woodworm, buckling wood veneer and cracked leather. Don't get me wrong, I like imperfect furniture that bears the rich patina of time. But caring for these two pieces has become too much like hard work, not to mention expensive.

Some other valuable antiques will be sold; some treasures given away; other things donated to a local charity. With every item that leaves the apartment, I feel a little lighter; a bit more free. It really is true that one can become weighed down by possessions, so I'm on a mission to lighten the load.

I've also taken a step back from friends who delight in criticising and undermining, rather than supporting and encouraging. I've learned that some so-called friends have nothing at all to say when one accomplishes something good, but can be quite critical and discouraging on a regular basis. I try to give people the benefit of the doubt, but finally have understood that their behaviour has less to do with me and more to do with their own jealousy and issues of self-esteem.

What about you? Are you now or have you recently gone through a similar "cull" of your surroundings and/or friends and acquaintances?

Comments

[Relyn]

Oh, this summer and my Operation Paper. It felt so very good to handle it all. Toss so much. Take care of the piles. I know just what you mean.

[studio wellspring]

oh darling tara, how i can relate! and i bet you are a force to be reckoned with when you're culling! :o) this past year has been an intense process of cleaning out & getting rid of the un-needed, un-desired, and un-useful for me too. i not only gave away most of my possessions, but then left my entire previous life to start a whole new one. woo ~ now that was a cleanse! but, i acquired something huge in the process {as you well know}: my darling daughter! oh yes, and my sense of inner calm & well-being too. now that was an incredible unexpected gift from the purge... and i'm sure you'll be enjoying that for yourself soon as well. so wish i could see you .... maybe a trip to europe in 2010? :o)

[julochka]

so much to purge, on so many levels. i did a major look at the closet last spring, but could no doubt do so again. i wonder why we do it, why do we hold onto some things. i have several boxes of tiny clothes sabin wore when she was a baby that strangely, i can't bring myself to part with. what is it about them? holding onto her babyhood, tho' i love the big girl she's become? i wonder why we hold on, also to relationships that aren't working for us...i'm trying to be better at letting those go.

great post. i think i'll go empty a box in the attic.

xox,
/j

[Jeanie]

Bravo, my friend! I so admire that you are doing this cleaning/sorting/pitching/giving. It's a big job -- one I should do, too. I really need an incentive (as if looking at it pile up isn't incentive enough.) Well, bravo again!

Yes, I think things "happen" and who can explain them or why? They do. And they deserve our attention, our awareness.

Here's another (and we'll see if this comment posts!) I just posted a comment on your Kennedy post and it did not "take." Hmmm. I'll try again!

[Swirly]

One of my favorite things to do is toss, purge and donate. I do it almost every week!!

[Marilyn]

I need to cull things in my house of a 40 year old son and his belongings and then I could see what is mine to cull. My office, where I spend alot of time, has been culled and feels so good to step into, open the door to the fresh air, and enjoy the creative time spent there.

[Lauren]

I have items, but it is near impossible for me to get rid of anything! I really should and I have to say you are a bit inspiring here...maybe I will weed through things soon! Good luck with your sales I am sure they will go quickly!

[Helen]

You have inspired me...to start the annual purge of the extraneous crappola I have accumulated in the past year. Much of mine is art supplies and fabric. A true Yankee, I hate to throw away anything. Handbags...and shoes are my downfall and there is very little storage in this tiny one hundred year old house. How many dozen pairs of black shoes and black handbags do I really need?

Relationships seem to fall away naturally so no purposeful culling there at the moment. Times change and so do people. All my like formerly like-minded friends now vigorously support conservative agendas. One might question how that happened but it has to do with not wanting higher taxes and perhaps watching too much Faux News. This country is so divided that it's affecting friendships as well. Hilariously, one long time blog friend figured out that I read and sign your blog and has avoided me since. Probable ate too many Freedom Fries....

[le petit cabinet de curiosités]

I do the same every year. Change the furniture ( easy for me as I'm an antiques dealer) Give my clothers to charity store ...And the same with friends , I would say : I clean my life . Friends are friends because they are happy for you, they help you , they are positive if they are, if not, they are not friends ...

[tinker]

Hurray for you, Tara! And finding a lucky shamrock too - seems like a very fortuitous sign. I had started the weeding out process, but I need to do more. Thanks for the inspiration!~XOXO

[Stefanie]

Tara

You are spilling all kinds of golden wisdom nuggets at the moment! I loved this post and yes, I too have been culling things over the past month. Partially due the end of relationship and the need for change and partially due to a private reason which I am keeping under wraps until it all comes together.

But its the last few paragraph that struck a chord more with me. I think there is something in the human spirit (or at least I hope in most) that wants to believe in the better qualities of those we meet. I tend to collect people who are slightly eccentric (maybe because I have my moments too. smile.) but with the open door comes a certain responsibility to love them at times against all odds. When I have to move on because I realize the relationship isn't healthy - I feel like I have failed. Maybe I have ... but holding on doesn't mean anything with change .. and isn't it better for failed then to cause undue hurt?

Sigh ... I still feel very much saddened by failed friendships for all involved.

[A Fanciful Twist]

Fainting

Fainting

Fainting.......

I am so with you. Especially on the friend part. I think there is definitely some twinkle stuff going on around you!!

I am sooooo delighted you feel the freedom to get rid of things. I think that is the major hurdle. And then, liberation and ecstacy ensues!!!

You are inspiring me Miss beloved Tara!! Oh yes you are! Purging is gooood ;)

I wish I could meet you for a cocktail to celebrate in Paris, right this evening ;) ;)

LOVE YOU, V xoxox

[bettyann]

oh yes I did that last year- we downsized and the children left..we donated 6 truck loads of stuff to the community garage sale...I got rid of any clothes that didn't fit or felt good..now I think that it is time again to cull this new place..yes, I understand about culling so-called-friends that undermine you...life is too short to carry around critical friends..take care..I love reading your blog..You jumpstart my day..

[Cheryl de los Reyes Cruz]

I read somewhere that there were three moon eclipses in a row which, according to the astrologer, means a lot of change for everyone but especially for Cancers, Capricorns, Aries and Libras. (I'm a Capricorn). Not sure if it's coincidence or not but I have been going through many subtle, but altogether a lot, of internal and external changes. Your last paragraph...Me too :( Tricky, though. When does one fight for a friendship or just give up? Open, mature disagreements I have no trouble with. They clear the air. My sister and I can fight one minute, talk about something else the next. But ongoing judgment, blame, criticism, there's no place for it in true friendship. It's sad but more space does allow for new things and new people to come in...

[postcards from...]

i am constantly in a battle (with myself) to keep my space open. good on you for clearing out that which no longer serves you

xx

[christina]

Oh yeah! There is some serious "cleaning house", going on over here in my life! And it feels great.
xoxo

[Bella]

With the start of school just around the corner (yes!) I am doing very much the same at my house (mostly, my daughter's closet). It would be awesome to do a monthly purge, something I aspire to do! I hope you're enjoying the last days of summer. xo

[ally bean]

I have been going through this very thing-- culling belongings, reassessing relationships-- all summer long. I don't know if it is the time in history or the age I am (or the meeting of the two), but my desire to live with less clutter and with less insincerity has brought me to this point.

Relaxed, coordinated home. Smart, lighthearted people. That's what I want.

[RD]

Yes! Maybe it's just what happens as one hits the midlife mark. I've spent the last 3 years downsizing everything in my life. Some of it has been against my will, but in the end I think I'm much better for it. My closet is shrinking (working on ME shrinking too!), and I've much less furniture and stuff in my life. It is also very, very true of my friendships. I've found that over the years I've been the one reaching out, making every effort to stay connected across the miles, with little reciprocity from certain friends. So, I've quit them. Not enough ROI, and less and less in common. I'm okay with that. Sometimes a bit lonely, but relishing this new freedom and trying to nourish the truly meaningful relationships. It's an interesting phase I'm going through. I know how you are feeling!

[pia]

That I have. Did we already have this conversation in Paris? I can't remember. But yes, that's exactly what I did before I left Australia to move to Europe, and then here to Amsterdam. It took a number of years to realise this -that is that I spent too much time and energy with the people who dragged me down. I finally took my rose-coloured glasses off, and opened my heart to those who encouraged and emotionally supported me and voila, here I am, finally living the life I dreamed of - its a simple life, with focus on love, health and good times rather than money, possessions and 'what people think'.

Enjoy every moment of your culling, in every aspect, it is so rewarding and is the path to your bright future. Bon chance! xx

[BJ Lantz]

Oh yes, indeed. I am about to do the same to my closet as well! I "cleaned out" some friends in my mid-30s who I deemed high maintenance or those whom I felt were just too darned negative. Who needs that? While I always enjoy meeting new people and making new friends, I am much more cautious now of who I let "in".

[Colette]

I understand you perfectly. Culling belongings (and people who would drag you down) every so often is very, very good for the soul!
xoxo