The storms we're experiencing are figurative, not literal. In the span of 12 1/2 months, my previously-healthy husband has endured 4 unrelated illnesses; 3 surgeries at 3 hospitals and 2 sirens-blaring ambulance rides. Yet just as in a memorable childhood book The Little Engine that Could, the train's still steaming down the track.
How does one absorb each body blow, the latest diagnosis the most threatening of all? Soon there will be more surgery in Amsterdam, to remove a tumor-riddled kidney and try to halt the advance of an aggressive, fast-growing cancer. Just three months ago, there was no sign of an invader. Now this brutal occupying force demands our attention.
Steam train on a rainy day, Watercress Line, Aylesford, England. Click photo to view detail.
As if that weren't enough with which to cope, my dad in the US has been very ill and still is recovering after major surgery. (Update Jan. 30th: Once again, he is in the hospital and having more surgery). Earlier this month, David and I were discussing me getting on a plane to visit, when the doctor phoned to say a routine blood test suggested kidney damage. A brief hospital stay for more tests followed. Then late Friday, the unwelcome news - just when we'd almost managed to convince ourselves that David's health woes had vanished with the horrid 2013.
"Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow; it empties today of its strength." - Leo Buscaglia
Throughout these long days and nights, there have many whispered prayers; occasional tears and far too many fears. I've been grateful for the love and support of family and friends. And through it all, hope has remained by my side. It is a constant presence, like a slow-burning flame illuminating the way through darkness. Yes, sometimes the flame flickers and seems in danger of going out...but then it seems to catch itself and once again burns brightly.
Things I've noticed in this chaotic year of sands shifting beneath our feet:
Optimism is a gift. And language is never a barrier to kindness.
When health is an issue, everything else simply falls by the wayside. Our world becomes smaller and more focused, with clear priorities. We have so little control over what happens. But we can control how we react to unexpected challenges. And we're always stronger than we think.
The wonders of modern medicine and techological advances are astonishing. We are fortunate to have brilliant doctors and excellent health insurance (despite the bureaucratic challenges in dealing with Dutch medical care and French insurance).
We have some amazing true friends that I am proud to know. It seems we also have quite a few fair- weather friends: friends who have been guests in our home in both France and the Netherlands; friends we helped when in dire straits or facing serious illness; friends whose business ventures we supported wholeheartedly; the same "friends" who haven't bothered to send so much as an email or Twitter message. (Suddenly my address book feels a lot lighter)!
We are lucky to have possibly the world's best neighbours, who collect the English patient upon his release from hospitals and shovel snow from our front doorstep and sidewalk.
Time is finite; don't take a single moment for granted. This is not a dress rehearsal; live now. Travel. Try something new. Dance. Sing. Ride a bicycle. Read good books. Tend a garden. Do the things that make you happiest. Don't worry about the small stuff, which really doesn't matter.
The beautiful things that grace our homes or the stylish clothes we wear are of little consequence. Icing on the cake, yes, but not the cake. Cynical marketing and advertising-based ploys such as "likes" on Facebook or gaining more followers on Twitter are artificial measures that sap our time and energy. Truly. (Tell me what you think, after seeing the film Her).
Embrace what's real, here and now. Hold your loved ones close. Surround yourself with people who believe in you and bring out the best in you. And take care of yourself; nothing trumps good health! (And that's enough platitudes for one day).
Your strength and determination humbles me. Your husband and father are so fortunate to have you in their corners and that you could put pen to paper and write this most beautiful story is incredible.
The world is so in need of people like you. Prayers and thoughts to your husband and father and thanks for reminding us of life's true importance.nani
Posted by: nanita | 12 February 2014 at 05:17
Oh boy Tara what a blow hearing this news of David's health! I can understand all the emotional upset you both are going through having had 2 battles with cancer myself . Tara you were one of my secret angels praying for my wellness and now it 's my turn to do the same for you and David.
I will hold you both in my prayers. I send healing energy to David and comfort and strength to you both.
Hugging u close. I am sorry to hear this news.
Love and light Anna xo
Posted by: Naturegirl | 04 February 2014 at 02:20
Sorry to hear that David's having so many health problems, all at once like that must be particularly devastating.
It's good to find out though who your real friends are and how good your neighbours are.
Do you recommend the film Her?
Posted by: craftygreenpoet | 02 February 2014 at 19:33
Tara, I'm thinking of you during this terribly challenging, frightening time in your life and hoping you and yours come through it whole and healthy. I appreciate your reminders about the truly important things in our lives. We need to hear this often because it is so easy to lose sight of this as we scramble through our crazy days. Thank you--for taking time from your cares and worries to share this with us. Know that all over the globe people, some who've never met you, are hoping and praying for David, for your father, and for you. I hope to hear good, good news from you soon!
Posted by: Raquel | 01 February 2014 at 19:52
My love and prayers are with you all................Tara always know how very much I care. I am very sorry to hear of the health issues and worries. It seems 2013 was a most difficult year for many of us.
Blessings and much love
Jeanne
X0X0
Posted by: Jeanne | 01 February 2014 at 13:41
Tara...
Grace and Strength to you both through this time.
I follow your blog regularly, but have not commented for a looonnnng time.(I had communicated with you once about a French book for my daughter). You are inspirational in your words.
..sending well wishes from Alberta..
Trish
Posted by: Trish Denholm | 01 February 2014 at 05:25
I'm sending your entire family lots of love and get-well thoughts. <3
Posted by: Janine | 31 January 2014 at 22:04
“In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer.”
― Albert Camus
Posted by: Jo | 31 January 2014 at 08:14
Tara,
Just checked in after writing you, so please don't answer if you are too busy.
I am sending so much light and love.
It's weird how people act when they find out you are sick or need surgery. It's a bizarre disheartening thing indeed.
The closest people can even be cruel and hurtful right after surgery. Some people, my goodness.
I am sending buckets of love and healing prayers.
Love, Vanessa
Posted by: vanessa | 31 January 2014 at 05:00
So sorry both your husband and father are ill. Be positive and take care of yourself.
Posted by: Sheris White | 31 January 2014 at 00:22
Always keeping track of your posts and enjoying your photographs.
Was born in the Netherlands(Dordrecht) but have been living in Canada for 57 years.
I hope and pray that health may soon return to your family.
Greetings and best wishes, Sebastian
Posted by: Sebastian Veldhuizen | 30 January 2014 at 21:54
Beautiful words for such an ugly illness. We will win out my friend we are both strong women. xx
Posted by: Di Overton | 30 January 2014 at 19:22
Tara, I found your post to be both moving and poignant! I just read an article in The New York Post titled "The Art of Presence", You may find it a wonderful read as it talks about the prescience of people during the times of need. My heart goes out to you and your family as you go through these mountains in life. May you feel the arms of many warm hugs and many blessings over the next few months.
Posted by: Margaret Dukeman | 30 January 2014 at 17:14
Oh, Tara, no one could have said it better -- more eloquently, more personally, more powerfully than what you have written here. Grabbing the moment -- why do we have to have such scary reminders to slap that important lesson home? I would like to think I learned that one this past year (which is why I retired, to savor moments and life). Auntie Mame had it right!
You know how Rick and I feel about David (and you). So what I will say here is what I've said before -- hang tight, hold hope in your heart, seize the day. And know that our prayers are helping to lift both yours and David's spirits and hearts.
Posted by: jeanie | 30 January 2014 at 14:57
So sorry. My heart goes out to you. Sending healing thoughts to your husband and father. Everything you say in your post rings true. Even though we have not met in person, I value our internet friendship through this blog. It so difficult to see those we love become ill. (The deeper we love, the deeper the pain seems to be...)
You will be in my daily meditation. Your last paragraph says it all. Well said. xx
Posted by: Helen | 30 January 2014 at 14:41
And hoping your dad is feeling better!
Posted by: Vicki in Michigan | 30 January 2014 at 13:35
Sending good thoughts to you all and to your husband's doctors, that they find a treatment that will work for him.
Posted by: Vicki in Michigan | 30 January 2014 at 13:34
Oh, my. I'm sure this is a very scary time for both of you. I like your focus, though, on optimism and on the important things and people in your lives. Thinking of you and sending David healing thoughts. And take care of YOU, so you can take care of him. ;) Hugs from Par-ee!
Posted by: Lisa, a.k.a. The Bold Soul | 30 January 2014 at 10:41
Tara, darling, thinking of the two of you every day and sending blessings and strength and healing and peace with every molecule of my soul.
Posted by: Natalie | 30 January 2014 at 05:57
Oh my, Tara! It is indeed life altering when poor health is close by. All the other things fall away. Please give a hug to David for me. I will be praying for you both. Jim will too.
Posted by: Marilyn Miller | 29 January 2014 at 21:53